There was a research article out of the University of Notre Dame last May entitled "Nobody Likes a Fat Talker" by Dr. Alexandra Corning. Thinking this was a brilliant piece of post feminist inquiry, I posted a link on facebook promoting it as the research I had secretly been conducting for years. Anecdotally, this is not so far from the truth. In short, this research, like many others on the 'fat talk' phenomenon examines how women react to one another when they speak negatively about the size and shape of their own bodies and the social/ psychological impact of that dialogue on peers. Much of the research has found that those participating in studies perceive fat-talk and self-degradation of body image as normative. The Notre Dame study suggests, however, that fat talk is not innocuous and, in fact, has a negative impact on both the "fat-talker" and the person engaged with her in the exchange. In the end, in true facebook fashion, no one had much to say about it. Such is the nature of social media.
Since I have been pregnant, I have had an inordinate amount of attention paid to my ever-changing body. As for all pregnancies, I am sure, there is a continuous running dialogue about weight, exercise, hair, food, specific body parts and functions - all directed at the gestator. I thought this a good jumping-off point to start a conversation about the way women objectify one another and continuously reinforce notions of the ideal body - often without even knowing it. This is a good spring board because in pregnancy the body and its many changes are amplified and accelerated. Again, I made a facebook post about some of the more outlandish comments I have had to field over the past few months such as: "You sure it's not twins, right?" "I think it's time to move up a scrub size!" and "HOLY COW! No pun intended...." This time, in good social media form I received tons of feedback, mostly negative commentary directed toward the purveyors of said comments. I should note here that I do not believe any of these people making the original observations/ comments meant offense or harm in any way.
But the truth? Those commentators of the body are the very same people discovered in the fat-talking research. They are the very same people who will talk through your workday meal about the number of carbohydrates we're consuming, how she skipped her workout this morning and how guilty she feels, who she feels has the best highlighting hairdo at that particular moment or who looks hottest in her designer jeans. We are the very same people that talk about what makes a good mother, wife, girlfriend, lover. We are the very same people that criticize ourselves, ad nauseum, at the expense of the those around us that feel a little less comfortable in their skins, who have less cultural capital and who take our self depreciation as a sort of reflective impression of how they should feel toward their own bodies and selves. In short: "I have met the enemy and they are ours."
Over the years this has become a particular interest, if not obsession/torment of mine: understanding the compulsion of women to comment on our own and one another's bodies and behaviors. I have mentioned it with annoyance to coworkers when a comment is made about my dinner or what another woman might be wearing that particular day; if someone looks tired or rested, put together or a little rumpled. I have tried to gently redirect the constant remarks because when I deflect directly, I am usually met with resistance such as, "I meant it as a compliment!" which is by no means a false statement. I believe this wholeheartedly to be true. But the underlying truth is, all of the positive commentary directed at the body of any one woman has a negative consequence for that woman and all of the other women surrounding her.
Take the example of complimenting a woman on weight loss. What are the underlying issues being conveyed? I value the thin body. I was not satisfied with the way you looked before today. I am aware of your eating and exercise routine. The image of your changed body has more value to me than X sitting across the table who is eating chocolate cake or who is not as thin/ attractive/ motivated. And, most importantly, I want you to notice MY body. What lies beneath is endless.
In the end, I feel that much of this is a real failure of feminism, the new "4th wave" or "lean in" feminism (which a friend brilliantly dubbed "lean over" feminism) in which women are hypercritical of themselves with expectations way beyond reason in the name of gender equality, rights and justice. My work in nursing offers prime examples on a daily basis. Much commentary is directed toward the "right way" to accomplish childbirth. Foregoing pain medication is often seen as superior to employing pain relief options, a right for which women fought hard in the 19th century, before which time labor pain was seen as God's Will. Today, does a woman's declination of medication in childbirth have an impact on what kind of mother she will be? Certainly not, but it is implied in the effort to direct women toward a natural childbirth, even the word "natural" implying pain relief is somehow aberrant. How about number of children a woman has borne? Once a patient starts getting up over the three-children-to-one-woman social zenith, specifically if she is poor or a minority, the commentary flies, "Sounds like she needs to stop having sex!" "Time to sign those tubal ligation papers." It is an every day occurrence in the obstetric arena and virtually every time these words are uttered, they are coming from the mouth of another woman. Simone de Beauvoir's idea of women's lack of solidarity still rings true in such callus remarks.
Women "live dispersed among the males, attached through residence, housework economic condition, and social standing to certain men - fathers or husbands - more firmly than they are to other women. If they belong to the bourgeoisie, they feel solidarity with men of that class, not with the proletarian women." How does not having a concrete "correlative unit" work to compel women toward - and thus away - from one another with this strange objectification?
The contemporary French feminist Elisabeth Badinter addresses the issue quite eloquently by describing how feminism over the past two decades has eroded and segregated the female gender - not from the male gender - but from itself. This fracturing of feminism in which women see themselves as oppressed and victimized has lead to nothing more than a dependence on male counterparts rather than developing an autonomous self. Clearly this can be accomplished only if the female gender itself stop with its focus on the individual and work toward a gender unity in which we establish that sovereignty on the shoulders, rather than the backs, of one another. Simply speaking, we work toward something better by cutting out the prattle that works unconsciously to break us apart, both individually and collectively, figuratively and literally.
Female-to-female banter based on unfulfilled expectations we have of ourselves reflected off of our mothers, sisters and friends does not build a foundation to legitimize us at all; it works to break down the autonomy that each woman has established through her self-work, perception and motivation. So while a casual compliment or remark may feel benevolent in the moment, we need to reflect on how such generosity is oftentimes just another exercise of power.
Illustration by Alexander Morel: "The pattern is based on insults or qualifications towards women that use animal names (old cow, bitch, chick...) mixing the body of the animal to the legs of pin-up girls."
