Many weeks have passed since I sat for the dreaded nursing boards, (bka:
NCLEX which is the National Council Licensure Examination for Registered Nurses). What a nightmare. Let me say that standardized tests are not my bag. I could say a lot about
these tools, as a social scientist. But I won't. Not because I did well on the SAT -- as matriculating community college student I never had to endure them -- but because I have been privileged enough to do well enough on the GRE to get into gradate school, twice. Because, let's face it, it's not about what you know, but how you've learned to test -- and
that is about factors that have absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. Let me also point out that I passed with flying colors the
qualifying examinations in my doctoral program... 72 hours of exams that did not even come close to the hell that is the NCLEX.
First of all, for anyone who has yet to experience this rite of passage, you will walk away thinking you've failed. Or at least normal people will think this... plenty of my colleagues walked away celebrating the 75 question blue screen moment, a kind of confidence that I will never know in this lifetime. I would have presumed failure. But not that this matters, as I sat through 265 questions and 5.5 hours, having left convinced that I did not answer a single question correctly. This means that never, not once, was I
certain of an answer I was giving. That experience erodes confidence very quickly.
Because of laws governing the boards and the insanely detailed waiver I had to sign after being fingerprinted and photographed and finger printed again, I cannot give any hints about test content. But that is not really the useful or interesting part of the story. The interesting part is that this is a
psychometric test, which creates a "passing standard" for all of those who sit for the boards. In simple terms this means that every person who takes the exam should get an equal percentage of questions correct and incorrect. As a person performs well, the questions become more difficult until a question is answered incorrectly. In that case, the next question will be slightly less difficult until the person is again answering correctly. Once a threshold is reached, wherein the test-taker has demonstrated that s/he is answering more difficult questions correctly than incorrectly, the the exam will end. This can be at 75 questions, or any arbitrary number in between, up to my 265. Likewise, if one is doing poorly, answering lower-level questions incorrectly more than 50% of the time, the exam will end. The clincher is that once the blue screen appears, you have to raise your hand, are escorted from the room, and then you have to
wait up to two weeks for your results.
Many of my colleagues were able to log on to the BRN website and check to see if their names appeared in the
permanent license verification system within the next two days, a kind of work-around for those waiting for results by mail. Personally, I took the test on a Friday, expected to see (or rather
not see, given my commitment to failure) my name on the site on Tuesday. When my name didn't appear, I prepared for the studying process,
again... but, on the advice of a friend, I called the BRN to be certain the documentation in my file was complete. Lo and behold, no transcripts had ever arrived from my institution. I dragged myself to the registrar, paid for transcripts (again) and waited.
One night before bed, about three weeks later, The Kid said, "Mom, I know you passed that test. You're a nurse now." With this bit of kismet, I woke the next morning and checked the BRN. There was my name. The card arrived the next day.
The moral of this long, long story is: never fear. It is a very difficult test for which to study, the questions are very hard to comprehend on first reading (and I am a native English speaker... bless all those who take it with English as a second language), it is difficult to gauge and it is
not by any means an accurate judge of what kind of nurse you will be. I am not sure how well it even measures competence. It is, like many other standardized exams, a test of something determined to be a means to find a 'measurable' proficiency among candidates. This does not address ability nor knowledge. I suspect some of the best nurses are those that have to take it more than once. And anyone who has to sit through it more than once deserves a medal of honor.
The Kid says, "Do you know why there are so many ghosts these days? Because no one ever places obol on the eyes of the dead anymore, so Charon won't let them into the underworld.
Many weeks have passed since I sat for the dreaded nursing boards, (bka: NCLEX which is the National Council Licensure Examination for Registered Nurses). What a nightmare. Let me say that standardized tests are not my bag. I could say a lot about these tools, as a social scientist. But I won't. Not because I did well on the SAT -- as matriculating community college student I never had to endure them -- but because I have been privileged enough to do well enough on the GRE to get into gradate school, twice. Because, let's face it, it's not about what you know, but how you've learned to test -- and that is about factors that have absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. Let me also point out that I passed with flying colors the qualifying examinations in my doctoral program... 72 hours of exams that did not even come close to the hell that is the NCLEX.
Did you read this? Someone should tell Peggy Orenstein that the way to empower a daughter is to empower oneself. The self-effacing feminist might try mythology or, say, history for a few good female heroes. Or how about manga? Baby Cart and the River Styx has a female character who not only can fight the land's most revered, ruthless and dreaded ronin, but she can also jump out of her clothes in a single bound! Eat your heart out, Peggy.
Hiking today I learned that Fairfax, California (north of the Golden Gate) is home to some slippery friends: rattlesnakes. Climbing up over Cascade Falls I came face to face with this young fella. The yellow bands indicate that he's a juvenile. Young one or not, he was huge and absolutely unmoved by me.
Having given up a lot to go to nursing school, I was full of joy in witnessing a one-time, single-point trapeze training partner preform at this year's annual showcase. According to her website, she also had a couple of gigs at Supperclub here in the city. Excellent.
It rains, a gale rises, the big top collapses, fire breaks out, panic, people trample their neighbors to death as faced with the prospect of dying they make the decision, now, swiftly, who matters most. "I matter. I. I. I matter."
"Even with my eyes open wide, I can't see a thing."
Fleisher/Ollman Gallery's exhibit of works selected by Will Oldham.
Burt Lancaster is a new fave. And it's not just the face. Nor is it just the physique. Actually, this is my favorite part of his biography: Nick Cravat. This life-long friend of Lancaster was also his partner in a doubles acrobatic/trapeze routine in the mid 1930s and 1940s. He starred alongside Lancaster in nine films. In most he was mute. Cravat's daughter attributes this to his incredibly strong east-coast accent.
...but now I see
Time for a recap of the past few months: 
Without impatience I'll dream.
I spent the first day of pediatric clinicals in the intensive care unit. My patient was very young, under one year, born with congenital anomalies that included a heart defect, this one specifically, choledochal cysts and biliary atresia, meaning that she needed both open heart surgery and a liver transplant. She received both, preceded by a miriad of other surgies. When I cared for her, she was nine days post-op. I counted eight IV lines going into her body, exclusive of her pacer wires, NG tube, Jackson-Pratt drain, CPAP and ventilator.
"I can't consider any of that time as time away, because you don't want to spend half of your life being away or where you shouldn't be. I choose to think of all the time as being present. I'm always home."
...but slowly you are
So The Partner says, "Look at all of those trucks along the side of the road. Do you know what they're doing there?"
Were you worried Billy'd crossed over to the other side? Me too. I guess we were wrong. Today's New York Times sports a long-deserved and up-front review of the new album which is weirdly flattering and, at the same time, disparaging.
