
Monday, December 28, 2009
On the Fence

Thursday, December 24, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
If You Listen to Me...

Read on for recommendations.
However, I believe the message here to be... find your own.
Understanding the Dead
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Spanish Lesson

A fellow MEPN, wondering how the hell I got into the program being monolingual said, "You don't even speak a few words of Spanish? " NO. I can fake it, but why would I want to do that when we're talking about a someone's health?
Anyway, The Partner decided that I should have a working knowledge of Spanish to make patients feel like I am, at the very least, trying to communicate. Fair enough. Tonight he began compiling the "Dirty Dozen" words and phrases, as it were. Phrases such as, "How do you feel?", "Are you cold?", "Are you hungry?", "Do you want water?", "Where are you from?".
Listing off possible phrases as we drive through the Mission, from somewhere in the backseat The Kid chimes in: "Are you a virgin?"
Yeah, that one should come in handy. Thanks.
Friday, November 27, 2009
"Paid As Any Other Sickness"
Thursday, November 26, 2009
So I Let Go Now...

In the face of this year which, to be honest, has not been one of my favorites, I am thankful for love.
I am not only thankful for the love that I have been given, but for the love that I have witnessed and for the love that has been taken away.
I am thankful for the serenity in my home and the always honest and thoughtful criticality, humor and humanity of those who share it.
I am thankful for all of the year's circumstances that have served to remind me of who I am and who I want to be.
I am thankful for losses perhaps more than I am thankful for accomplishments. Dispossession continues to remind me of the importance hope.
Above all else, hope is the one thing for which I give the deepest thanks.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wicker Man

During one ritualistic scene full of phallic representation (and the like) by way of the Maypole, The Kid says, "Pole dancing!"
"Um....noooo....not exactly," I say.
"Oh... Polish dancing!"
Okay. Close enough.
Bongwater & Blood
Friday, November 20, 2009
M A K E

Some of my favorites include 1/06/09: Anti-fingerboarding signs; 1/31/09: Rifle wrapped in yarn; 1/05/09: A Scene from the fictitious horror film, "Honey Bear, Sweet Honey Bear"; 2/16/09: horse; and of course 1/13/09: Lyrics Poster / The Smiths.
*Image from Laser Bread via flickr
For My Heart's a Boat in Tow
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Invisible Costume

Every time someone asked, "And what are you supposed to be?"
He just stared ahead blankly as if to say, "What is wrong with you people?"
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Just a Body

"A what? Organ donor? No, they don't put it on your license plate. Someone needing a kidney might run you off the road... they put the dot on your driver's license."
"Oh... Are you a donor?"
"Yes, of course."
"What part of your body?"
"The whole thing."
"Well, that's good. They might as well take it all and help someone else. You won't be needing any of it anymore."
"Does it bother you?"
With some disdain, "No, mom... It's just a body."
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
WE CARE Solar

"Maternal mortality worldwide accounts for more than half a million deaths a year...that's the same as one woman dying every minute of every day, and that's an outrage. That should never be happening."
Laura E. Stachel MD, MPH, Founder of WE CARE Solar.
WE CARE Solar "reduces maternal mortality in developing regions by providing health workers with reliable lighting, blood bank refrigeration and mobile communication using solar electricity."
This organization needs, and deserves, your support.
Labels:
feminism,
human rights,
labor and delivery,
women
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Dweebs and Assholes

"So, the Doc said to me, 'I don't like to hang out with other docs. They're all dweebs and assholes'."
After having sat through a very painful weekly Ob/Gyn Grand Rounds that very morning, lead by a particularly unbearable female doc, I remarked, "It's true. Even the women are assholes." The Partner smartly decided that this would be the title of my upcoming tome on feminism:
"Even the Women Are Assholes: The Unthinkable Thoughts of a Feminist."
Illustration credit, obviously, goes to the late, great Kurt Vonnegut.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Song to the Siren

- Homer, The Odyssey
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Anthropo Logic

"A prostitute?" I interjected.
She quickly corrected me, noting that the appropriate term is "sex worker".
The bias-free insult: how anthro-politcal!
Labels:
Anthropology,
language,
politically correct,
social commentary
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sudden Birth
So, this is a great video I wanted to keep around for posterity's sake. Labor and delivery instruction via the Berkeley Police Department and Alta Bates Medical Center, circa 1966.
If you decide to watch, just remember: "Keep calm. Keep calm. Keep calm..."
If you decide to watch, just remember: "Keep calm. Keep calm. Keep calm..."
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Viaticum
Saturday, August 22, 2009
NCLEX Hex

First of all, for anyone who has yet to experience this rite of passage, you will walk away thinking you've failed. Or at least normal people will think this... plenty of my colleagues walked away celebrating the 75 question blue screen moment, a kind of confidence that I will never know in this lifetime. I would have presumed failure. But not that this matters, as I sat through 265 questions and 5.5 hours, having left convinced that I did not answer a single question correctly. This means that never, not once, was I certain of an answer I was giving. That experience erodes confidence very quickly.
Because of laws governing the boards and the insanely detailed waiver I had to sign after being fingerprinted and photographed and finger printed again, I cannot give any hints about test content. But that is not really the useful or interesting part of the story. The interesting part is that this is a psychometric test, which creates a "passing standard" for all of those who sit for the boards. In simple terms this means that every person who takes the exam should get an equal percentage of questions correct and incorrect. As a person performs well, the questions become more difficult until a question is answered incorrectly. In that case, the next question will be slightly less difficult until the person is again answering correctly. Once a threshold is reached, wherein the test-taker has demonstrated that s/he is answering more difficult questions correctly than incorrectly, the the exam will end. This can be at 75 questions, or any arbitrary number in between, up to my 265. Likewise, if one is doing poorly, answering lower-level questions incorrectly more than 50% of the time, the exam will end. The clincher is that once the blue screen appears, you have to raise your hand, are escorted from the room, and then you have to wait up to two weeks for your results.
Many of my colleagues were able to log on to the BRN website and check to see if their names appeared in the permanent license verification system within the next two days, a kind of work-around for those waiting for results by mail. Personally, I took the test on a Friday, expected to see (or rather not see, given my commitment to failure) my name on the site on Tuesday. When my name didn't appear, I prepared for the studying process, again... but, on the advice of a friend, I called the BRN to be certain the documentation in my file was complete. Lo and behold, no transcripts had ever arrived from my institution. I dragged myself to the registrar, paid for transcripts (again) and waited.
One night before bed, about three weeks later, The Kid said, "Mom, I know you passed that test. You're a nurse now." With this bit of kismet, I woke the next morning and checked the BRN. There was my name. The card arrived the next day.
The moral of this long, long story is: never fear. It is a very difficult test for which to study, the questions are very hard to comprehend on first reading (and I am a native English speaker... bless all those who take it with English as a second language), it is difficult to gauge and it is not by any means an accurate judge of what kind of nurse you will be. I am not sure how well it even measures competence. It is, like many other standardized exams, a test of something determined to be a means to find a 'measurable' proficiency among candidates. This does not address ability nor knowledge. I suspect some of the best nurses are those that have to take it more than once. And anyone who has to sit through it more than once deserves a medal of honor.
Labels:
community nursing,
knowledge,
NCLEX,
Standardized testing
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Supermother?

Her only weakness? Motherhood*. Go figure.
Image from Danny Choo via Boing Boing.
*not an Adrian Rich fan. Just making a point.
Labels:
japanese film,
Manga,
mothers,
New York Times,
pop-feminism
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Sanctified

Snakes have a strange power; walking back I jumped at the slightest movement of every single blade of grass. It makes perfect sense why serpents hold such an important place in folklore.
The experience reminded me of this piece of footage I'd seen back in the late '90s. Snake handling at a Jolo, West Virginia Pentecostal Church. - Looking for a little faith? Try Mark 16 set to rockabilly accompanied by some downright fancy footwork.
Keep in mind this footage is relatively contemporary.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Single Point Sorrow

*My sorrow is over having lost the circus somewhere in the midst of becoming a nurse -- and still not having yet become a nurse.
No circus + no nurse = sorrow.
Photo credit: Seth Golub
Monday, July 27, 2009
Whose Eye is on the Sparrow?

...I fly alone, apart from the flock, on long journeys through storm and clear skies to another summer. Hear me!
Towards Another Summer
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Zatôichi

Also, this movie has the best closing scene ever.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Frenz

It's called Frenz. With performance, too. Philadelphia, PA.
Labels:
American Music,
Art,
Performance Art,
Will Oldham
Lang & Cravat

Cravat died in January and Lancaster in October of 1994.
A great aside is that the Circus Center has a fabulous doubles acrobatic act. Weirdly, our strong-man base bears a striking resemblance to Lancaster. Take a look for yourself.
Labels:
Acrobatics,
Circus,
Circus Center San Francisco,
Film
Thursday, July 23, 2009
So Sorry, My Sister

I had her before me always,
like a shield. I look at her wrinkles, her clenched
jaws, her frown-lines - I see they are
the dents on my shield, the blows that did not reach me.
She protected me, not as a mother
protects a child, with love, but as a
hostage protects the one who makes her
escape as I made my escape, with my sister's
body held in front of me.
From The Elder Sister, Sharon Olds
For you, in loving memory of
S.B.M. 09/08/1972 - 07/22/2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Recap

The winter ends, psych and peds rotations begin... and end, I join Facebook, The Kid graduates to the *fifth* grade, the MEPN year ends (hurrah! hurrah!), I meet new MEPNs with new neuroses, I leave Facebook, The Partner finally visits Montana, I receive my interim permit to practice nursing in the state of California, I register for the NCLEX and I come back to Circus Nurse, fresh and new. Okay. Now we're all squared away.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Per Sempre

I'll bend to the task
That can never end,
And little by little at the tips
Of reborn arms
Succoring hands will reopen,
The eyes reappeared
In their sockets will give light again
And suddenly in tact,
You'll have resurrected, your voice
Will be my guide again,
I'm seeing you again forever.
~Giuseppe Ungaretti
The Trick of Humanity

I didn't mind the PICU so much as I expected. In fact, pediatrics seems like a place I would be excited to work, a great surprise to me. Maybe it's the timing. The most significant obstacle would be coming to terms with advanced technology out-sizing the patient. Following yesterday's rotation I felt like this was a huge moral dilemma, so I sought out reserach on the subject and found an interesting article that takes on the distress that PICU nurses face in the wake of modern technology that outpaces moral questions about life at any cost. The authors ask how medical and "life-saving technologies are outstripping our human abilities to comprehend and live with the consequences". Certainly a very worthy ethical question and definitley one that represents what I find the most difficult aspect of peds: what it means to be humane. To me, it looks like humanity tricking us again.
A Home in the World
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I Have Not Seen You
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Movie: A New Euphemism For..?
"No...." says The Kid.
"They're making a movie."
"What's a movie?"
"Um, a movie" I say, "have you ever seen one?"
"Oh," says The Kid, "I thought you meant something different by 'a movie'... like something truckers get together and do in the woods."
Monday, March 16, 2009
Like the End of Something Wonderful

"Mr. Oldham’s persona is a little bit of a lonesome romantic and a lot of a fool. He sounds generally optimistic, even when he’s singing about treachery...He never flatters himself. He’s not special. His love is effortful and can be one-sided. He’s easily satisfied. He can’t be counted on... Something is always lost in translation with him."
My favorite is the last line in reference to breadth and depth of talent in his accompanying musicians, "There’s a sense here of smart people being made to focus on a strange project."
It's refreshing to see he can still make the critics stutter.
Kandahar Treasure

So that saying was quite powerful in saying that women have this inclusive idea of security and owning peace. Stopping the killing for all... is reason enough for them to wage peace. You know, mothers feel the pain of human beings, and they’re calling for and they want this killing to stop." Rangina Hamidi. ~ Kandahar Treasure
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The Feminist Conundrum

"Not necessary. Men are already studied in every kind of study. Women have been forced to study great men ---"
"Maybe that's the problem... Ditch great people! Erase the bastards... from books and stuff. Just do folks - regular ones - the failures." Snowman (1999)
Saturday, March 7, 2009
No Room at the Inn

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